Rough Week

Dear Parker & Sebastian,

This has been a rough week. It's only Thursday, but it's been hard. Not one bit of it is your fault, and I wish I could somehow make you understand that. Yes, Parker, you have very much been a three year old on steroids this week. Yes, Sebastian, you have been unusually clingy and fussy. Any other week, however, Mommy would be able to handle these things without blinking. Not this week though. I have snapped and yelled and cried and plead, and overall I feel like a horrible, awful, terrible excuse for a mother that should have both of you removed from my care at once.

This is not the first time I have felt this way. Nor, I am sure, will it be my last. Sometimes, even mommies get overwhelmed by what is going on around them. It was just my turn.

You can not help the outside, grown-up crap that is going on. You can not help, Sebastian, that this is the week your poor teeth are kicking your butt. Or that you, Parker, are just being very three this week. You can't help that, as close as the three of us are, you are both bound to be picking up on my general mood, and that isn't helping the situation either. 

So why write this? You might be asking yourself. Well, one day, you are going to have a week (or two) where you want to rip your hair out. Where you want to scream and cry and hand your children over to your spouse and just walk out. Not forever, not by any means. But a trip to Wal-Mart, an hour to change the oil, 45 minutes worth of mowing the grass...these are all going to seem like a holiday. You are going to yell and scream. You are going to lose your temper and see little eyes, very much like your own, looking at you in shock and hurt. You are going to feel like the worst parent ever in the history of everything.

You aren't. You are just, as I am, human my sons. You are human, and you will make mistakes. Many of them. Your children will continue to love and adore you, no matter if you have a hard week. Just remember, the voice you use with them will become their inner monologue. Keep that in mind. Strive every day to be better, but don't beat yourself up when you fall short. If I have done right by you, you will both be amazing parents. I know it in my heart.

And, I am sorry for this week. I am sorry, Parker, for the times I have lost my temper and snapped and made tears fill your beautiful eyes. I am sorry, Sebastian, for the times that the tone of my voice has made you jump and start crying, confused that the person who is supposed to comfort you is the one who made you cry in the first place. I will strive to be better and to deserve the unconditional live you both give me so willingly on a daily basis.

I am sorry. I will do better.

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy