Lucky Number Seven

Dear Sebastian,

You have your seventh tooth now. Congratulations. Your top left tooth next to your two front teeth has come in, which is great. You have had several very cranky days leading up to this one. I could hope that we would get a small break now, but these things tend to pop up in at least pairs, so I imagine another will be on its way out of your gums shortly. 

You also have your one year well check coming up. (I know. I'm late. So sue me.) Mommy has been so worried about your vaccines. I wasn't like this with your brother at all, but for some reason the thought of continuing on with the schedule the pediatricians have come up with based on the CDCs recommended vaccine schedule sends cold chills down my spine. The more research I've done, the more I am convinced that we need to delay some of your vaccines. Daddy says he 100% supports whatever I wish to do, so I am going into your appointment on Thursday ready for a battle. They give me an ear full when I decline the flu shot every year, I can't imagine it will go better when I tell them I want to put off the MMR and Chicken Pox vaccines. Wish me luck!

Your Daddy will be home soon. I am hoping that you warm up to him as much in person as you have on the computer. You get so excited when the computer chimes letting us know that Daddy is there to Skype with us! I joke with him that he is going to have to have some kind of fake laptop cut out that he holds in front of his face for a few days. :0) I think you will be OK. After all, you judge much of how you react to things on how your brother and I react, and Parker is almost beside himself with excitement waiting for Daddy to come home. I am too, of course, and I am hoping you will take your cues from that. I'm worried all the amped emotions might bother you, you seem to pick up on those things very well, but I know it will all be OK in the end and we will be a family under the same roof again soon. So exciting!

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Happy Birthday To You

Dear Sebastian,

Happy birthday sweet baby boy! You are now officially one. And my mind is officially blown. A year ago you were lifted onto my chest all angry and bloody. I snuggled you close, kissed you all over, and you pooped on me. :0) I can't believe it. Time has truly flown. 

And you walked. I would have denied it, but there were witnesses. I had a cup that you wanted and you were standing unsupported in front of me. You slowly lifted up your right foot and took a step towards me, then did the same with your left foot. Part of me was so, so proud. Part of me was horrified. I was really starting to believe that you were going to wait until Daddy got home. 

Please don't get me wrong, I was so excited and proud for you, but I also knew I was going to have to tell your Daddy and that he was going to be very sad, even though he'd be proud. You won't understand this for years, but it is very hard for Daddy to make the sacrifices he makes for us and for the country. He misses out on a lot, and misses you and your brother so very much!

Unlike your brother, you haven't really taken to it. Once he started, he never stopped. You still seem to prefer crawling, which is fine by me. I'm not sure I can take both you and your brother running around yet. You are fast enough crawling. :0)

Daddy was very proud of you when I told him, but sad that he missed it too. He called us on Skype so that he could watch you open some gifts and see you eat your "smash" cake. We even all sang you happy birthday, though our timing was all off because of the time delay on the computer. It is the thought that counts, right?

You did not smash said cake though. Mommy made you an owl. After examining it from every angle for awhile, you reached out and started picking at it very delicately, not smashing at all. It was really very sweet and dainty...until Mommy realized that you were picking at the eyes. You ate them very carefully until they were gone. I thought it was kind of funny, but also a little creepy. 

It has been an amazing year, my sweet boy. I have loved watching the little person you are bloom in front of me, and I am looking forward to watching that person develop as you get older. Happy birthday, Sebastian Robert Magnus! I adore you!

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

One More Week

Dear Sebastian,

You will be one in a week. I would be lying if I said I was ready. In fact, I can't think of anything that I am less ready for at this point in my life. This year went by so fast. How can it have gone by so fast? It feels like just yesterday that you were this little baby, curled up in my arms as we comforted one another after the traumatic experience of birth...and now you are this little person who is growing up far too fast. Your brother did too, but for some reason it seems like it is going faster this time. 

Part of it, I am sure, is my feelings of guilt. I was looking through pictures of your brother tonight at your age, and there seem to be so many more of him. I know that a big reason I feel that way is the damaged hard drive with the first six months of your life on it that is currently tucked away safely, awaiting next years tax returns so that we have the money to fix it and try to recover some of those precious pictures. I am so sorry for that, son. I want you to know that I love you just as dearly, just as passionately, as I love your brother. Every smile, every moment, is just as precious as it was with him. I just feel like I am lacking in my photographic documentation this time around.

Another reason is that it really is going by faster. SO much has happened this year. Your Daddy came home to meet you, Mommy got sick with my gallbladder and then my pancreas, Daddy had to leave again...And I don't just have you to center all my time around, but your brother too. Sometimes I feel guilty for that as well. That you don't get the one on one time with me that he did in his first year. It isn't anything I can change, but I still feel guilty. Please know that I do everything I can to have special time with both of you so that you can have my undivided attention.

For you, most of that time comes in the morning. You wake up well before your big brother most days, and that time we get to curl together and snuggle in bed means so much to me. I hope that we will still be able to do that for a long time, even though I am going to have to stop nursing you very soon. Too soon. Something else I am sorry for. I wish my body was normal. I wish I was healthy and boring, but I'm not, and there is medication Mommy needs to be back on soon. Medication that isn't safe for you. So, I am going to have to wean you earlier than I would like, which will cut into a lot of our snuggling I think. I am hoping you will still want to curl around me in the early hours of the morning, even if you have to have a sippy in your hands instead of nursing. 

You are beautiful and amazing, my son. As your brother before you, you have this way of making me see the world through the eyes of a child again. I find a new amazement in simple things, like the ability to stand unsupported or the wonder of clapping my hands together. The adorable way you point to things you want, or how you simply nod your head in rhythm instead of full fledged dancing. You are an amazing little creature, and this year has been such a blessing to me. I look forward to the ones in front of us, even as I lament the speed of the one behind. 

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

New Discoveries

Dear Sebastian,

Every day it is something new. Today, it was that Mommy has these bushy tufts of hair above her eyes. What could they be for, I wonder? Perhaps you could pull them out! You certainly spent a good part of 20 minutes trying, as we lay in bed together this morning, to pluck my eyebrows out. I'm not complaining. It didn't hurt, (much) and you got such a big grin on your beautiful face every time you would reach out for another try that I just couldn't be upset with you. 

After all, eyebrows are new to you, and I am the only person in your every day life that has noticeable ones right now. (Your brothers have always been so blond that they are almost invisible.) Pluck away, little man. Mommy doesn't mind.

Something I did mind was your discovery of the stairs and how you could climb them today. Luckily big brother, who is always on the lookout for you, let me know so that I could run and catch up with you when you were only a couple of stairs up. We then walked up behind you patiently as you made your way to the top, which took a surprisingly short amount of time. You are an amazing little climber, quite the mountain goat, but now that you have done it you seem to think it is something that must be repeated regularly. You are not a fan when I put up the baby gate. Luckily, this will only be an issue when we are at friend's houses for now, since we don't have any stairs at our own. Of course I thought that about your big brother too, and he was your age when he took advantage of all the adults in the house forgetting to put up the gate one day, followed by a tumble that resulted in a split head and trip to the UCC.

Let's not repeat that experience, what do you say?

Keep making your discoveries, Baby. Mommy loves discovering with you!

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Number Six

Dear Sebastian, 

You have six teeth today! Your other bottom tooth right next to the two front ones on the left came in now. So you have four in a perfect line across the bottom and your two front top teeth. 

You look so cute and perfect with your little teeth. I miss your gummy baby grins, but I am in love with your pearly white toddler ones too. 

Not that you are toddling yet, and as far as I am concerned you can wait as long as you want to before you start that. Mommy isn't ready to have both you and your brother running around yet, and it would be nice if you would wait until Daddy came home to start walking. No pressure. 

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Stand and Deliver

Dear Sebastian,

Today you stood all by yourself, not holding onto a thing! (Well, except for a safety fork you were chewing on.) You had pulled up on me and were watching your brother and I tie-dye when you just let go and stood there, continuing to observe. 

It had to be at least 3 minutes, because I had the time to grab the camera and snap a couple of shots. You just stood there like it was the most normal thing in the whole world until you wanted to sit down again and realized that you didn't know how. 

I've said it a thousand times, and I am sure I will again, but you are growing up so fast! Don't start walking yet! I'm not ready for it!

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

I Spoke Too Soon!

Dear Sebastian,

Tooth number five popped out today! It has joined its fellows in your mouth, just waiting to chomp down on some innocent flesh. Congratulations.

And, oh yeah...WE HAVE "MAMA"!!! It was quiet, and you were mad at me and trying to get my attention, but it counts! You went "Mama! Maaaamaaaa!" and even your Hootie heard it, so I'm not crazy. YAY!!!

Sure, you said, Daddy, Goddit, Bubba, Cat, Dog, Hi, and something that sounds suspiciously like thank you first, but I do matter!!! It is nice to know.

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Four On The Fourth

Dear Sebastian,

Today was your first Fourth of July. It was also the day that tooth number four declared independence from your gums! Your front top left tooth. I'm starting to think that you plan your milestones on big days like your birthdays and holidays. Now if you would only say "Mama"...

That's OK with me, Baby. You say Mama when you are ready. I can wait.

I wish your Daddy had been here to celebrate your first 4th of July with you. You had Mommy, Big Brother, Hootie and Aunt Harmony though, so you were well loved. I'd bought some protective ear gear, the kind people use when they are out shooting, so that you wouldn't get too startled by the fireworks. (And so your ears wouldn't get damaged.) You only left them on for a little while though before you had enough of them. So, if you are going deaf when you are 40, it's your own fault. :0)

You had fun. You were a little worried and scared, but for the most part you watched with awe. I wish your Daddy had been there to see it. I got some pictures, but not many. I asked your Aunt Harmony to take them for us, and Aunt Harmony needs some lessons in photography. :0) 

Happy first 4th of July, Sebastian Robert Magnus!

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Number Three!

Dear Sebastian,

Tooth number THREE is out! After several days of swollen, bruised gums and an unhappy baby, the front top right tooth has broken through. Yay!!! I think the other front top tooth will follow soon. 

I wish that you didn't have to go through all this pain in order to get your beautiful little teeth out, but I promise you that it will be worth it. If not, I'll find that evil tooth fairy and beat her up for you.
 

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

On The Move!

Dear Sebastian,

You are ten months old today. Ten months and you finally started crawling. You have been able to do it for some time now, I am sure of it. You have been scooting around on your butt just using your legs to push yourself for awhile now. Today though, you decided to join the ranks of the crawling.

So you got on your hands and knees and went for it! The entire time you were giving me this look like you shouldn't have to be lowering yourself this much. Don't I know it is my place to carry you. But you did it and we all cheered for you. Parker, Mommy, Hootie, and Harmony. We are so proud of you! You seemed to like the cheering part.

Don't worry son. You will learn to like it. Before you know it, you will be all over the place, never remembering that there was a time you didn't want to crawl and relied on Mommy to take you from point A to point B.

I am so proud of you, big boy!

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Tooth Number Two

Dear Sebastian,

After a very rough night for both of us, tooth number two is out! Bottom front right, right next to your first one. You are all smiles this morning, so I am hoping that I can get some pictures to send to Daddy and Ohio. 

You're getting so big! 

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

First Tooth!

Dear Sebastian,

Today you are nine months old. Happy "birthday"! I can't even begin to imagine that you are nine months old today. It feels like just yesterday I was holding a brand new little boy in my arms. I am sure you will get sick of me saying that, but it really is true. In the blink of an eye, you watch your children jump from an infant to a toddler to a child. You'll be your big brother's age before you know it!

Further adding to the impression of your rapid growth is the fact that you sprouted your first tooth today. Your bottom left front tooth has now made it's break into the world! You aren't cooperating for pictures, but I'll get one one of these days so that Daddy and everyone back in Ohio can see it.

Only three months until you turn one. Time to start birthday planning!

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy

"Goddit"

Dear Sebastian,

You added a new phrase to your vocabulary today. You were playing on the floor with Daddy, reaching for the foot rest on your high chair with all your might. When your little fingers finally grasped it strongly you cried out "Goddit! Goddit! God god god goddit!"

With a big smile on his face, Daddy looked at you and said "You got it?" You giggled back and repeated:

"Goddit! Goddit! Dadadada! Goddit!"

You are amazing. Every day there is something new you learn or do, and I love it. I'm so blessed to get to experience it with you. And your Daddy is just glowing with it. He missed out on a lot of this with your brother because he was deployed. He's relishing every experience he gets to share with you.

Until next time, be good, be happy, and know that I love you.

Love,

Mommy